I was Paul’s teacher when he was in high school. Fortunately, our paths crossed in unexpected ways in later years. Paul struggled with addiction. If you knew Paul, you knew that truth. He struggled as long as I knew that sweet child of God. And sadly, that addiction led to his accidental death because of the fentanyl. You see, if we don’t call out and own these realities of his death, we cannot make room to celebrate and remember Paul’s life. Because Paul’s life was not defined by his struggles. Paul’s life was defined by his love. His love for his mom and dad, Scott and Carmella…his love for his sister Grace…his love for Amy his life partner…and most certainly his love for humanity.
Take a moment to picture this. Have you ever walked into and old building or a barn on a sunny day and there is a small hole in the ceiling or perhaps a broken window …and even though you’ve just come in from the sunshine, the sun shining through that broken space is so beautifully brilliant it almost blinds you. That was Paul’s love, shining so beautifully through broken spaces.
In 33 years of teaching and 9 years of called ministry as a youth pastor, I’m not sure I ever met a child whose soul was so tender and precious, so full of love. It was an aura that surrounded him. The last time I saw Paul was on Christmas Eve as I was greeting people after worship. He walked down the stairs with Amy, and he hugged me. Paul never just hugged…he held onto you and exchanged a holy energy with you. In his hugs you could feel his pain, his joy, his love for humanity. As a teen at his graduation from Renaissance House…he had the chance to speak to his peers in recovery and he took the time he was given to encourage them to seek and find hope in their days.
I believe Paul would want us to seek and find hope in our days all these years later. Paul would understand our tears, but he would prefer our laughter. The next time we see a beautiful, brilliant light shining through a broken place, please pause…please just stop and breath and sit with Paul’s soul in that moment. Be comforted…feel the warmth of those beautiful souls we’ve loved during this time of remembrance.
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